Don’t Call Me Selfish
Heads up! This might be considered a hot button topic for some. The point of this post isn’t to justify or defend our choice to not have children, or criticize those that do, but to provide food for thought.
D and I do have chosen NOT to have children. For those that know us personally this is not recent news.
When we married 10 years ago we figured we’d spend a few years as just “us” and would one day start a family, since it was the normal thing to do. It’s no surprise that we soon found ourselves once again going against the grain allowing the years to tick and not having children. We would randomly check in with each other saying, “Want to have kids yet?” Each time the answer was, “Nope.”
People began asking us, “When are you starting a family?” I couldn’t help but say, “We are a family.” As time went on we moved farther and farther away from the idea of adding children to our lives. After several years of deep thought we ultimately made the decision to seal the deal in 2009 with D having a vasectomy and me having a tubal ligation during my laparascopy to confirm my endometriosis. Surprisingly at the age of 26 (me) and 27 (D) we had no resistance from either of our doctors when it came to requesting the procedures. They actually applauded our decisions. In addition, our immediate families respected our decision.
To this day I still deal with random people saying, “You have plenty of time!” That is, until I clarify that that it is a done deal. I’m still amazed by the individuals that are caught off guard by our decision. Is it really all that taboo to not have children?
An idea that hurts my heart is the thought that people who choose not to have children are selfish. Those of us who have made that choice often do ourselves a disservice when we readily say, “We’re too selfish to have children.” True, many of the reasons for our choice may come across as selfish. However, how are we any more selfish than the family that brings a life into this world, one that has absolutely no choice in the decision, when they cannot thoroughly provide for them…whether emotionally or financially?
Many will say that they can’t fathom their lives without their children. I have no doubt that this is true. But something to consider is that there are people that have just as strong of feelings at the other end of the spectrum and can’t fathom their lives with children.
Not to mention, someone has to take the role of “cool aunt”
Keep Smiling and Be Grateful =)