Looking back I fondly remember my grandma’s love for color and fashion. I remember receiving her hand-me-down shoes and jewelry for dress up and always hoped to have clothing just like hers when I grew up. Unfortunately for me my grandma’s fashion sense never wore off on me, but I like to think that her love of bright colors did. In my teen years I always thought, “The brighter, the better,” when it came to anything…especially clothes. If you would take a look back at old family photos you’d find that at no point was I a fashionista. If I liked it, I wore it, and didn’t care what others thought. My sister’s style was more classic whereas my style was “me”. Somewhere along the line I got into my head that becoming an adult meant leaving the bright colors behind.
(Here I go talking about transitions and change again….)
Like so many other things in my life, I find my realistic side overruling my fun side. For instance, I’d love a pair of yellow heels but won’t buy them because a versatile pair of black flats would be more useful. This has been my thinking for the better part of the 10 years. It only makes sense to have this thinking as I make every attempt to simplify my life and lessen my needs and wants. It should be no surprise that this is just one more thing I feel at odds with given my past. How can I be true to my feelings and self, but also be realistic and simple? I’m working on that. (just like everything else….)
Since my grandma’s passing I’ve found myself revisiting my love for color. When I find myself at a crossroads of deciding between color over something realistic like black I’m leaning towards my old ways. Case in point, my new car. Sure the old Heidi would’ve chosen yellow in a heartbeat. The new Heidi would’ve chosen something like black that wasn’t trendy. With the push of DH and a flash of my grandma that entered my mind I went for the yellow.
Or when I chose this “different” Swarovski ring over the other simpler ring of choice. Worth noting: I also inherited my love of Swarovski from her. She had quite the collection and I’m grateful to say I now have some of those pieces and hold them close to my heart.
Or making a point to wear pieces of my grandma’s jewelry that I would’ve never thought to wear.
Or requesting and accepting DH to help with a little style change in my wardrobe.
All of this in turn is helping me step back into what was once my comfort zone. An area that has seemed so off limits (in my head) for awhile now. I’m not making these changes because I have to. I want to. There’s a reason why we go through transitions in life, and while I don’t want to bring back everything about the old Heidi, there’s nothing saying that I can’t revive some bits and pieces. While I’m doing it for myself I can’t help but feel as though it’s also a way of honoring my grandma as well.
No, I don’t foresee myself ever becoming a fashionista. But what I want is to accept myself for who I am. If I want those banana yellow heels why shouldn’t I allow myself to get them? Is it too indulgent and wasteful? If I get them and wear them with only 1 outfit, then maybe. But if I get them and wear them with anything I please, not caring if “it goes together” or if I wore them just last week and someone may take notice, then why not? And there’s no doubt in my mind that anytime I’d choose those banana yellow heels over the simple black flats I’ll be happier knowing that I’m staying true to myself and that my grandma will be smiling down from Heaven.
Now, I better start looking for some yellow shoes…
Keep Smiling and Be Grateful =)